Saturday, November 26, 2011

Food for Thought Friday: Spouse Before You Children

{I know it's a day late, but this article really sparked my interest today & brought some interesting thoughts up in my mind, so I just had to share.}                                                   


foodforthoughtfriday
There was a great article on the Yahoo home page today.  It caught my attention and pleasantly surprised me.  Articles on the internet don't typically reflect Biblical views, so I was excited to see that although this one didn't include Scripture, it was at least a Biblical view.  Check out the parenting article called Loving the Husband More Than the Kids is Key to Good Life here.


God purposefully designed the family, and in doing so he told us that men should be the leader in the home, the spouses should come first, and children second

Many women in today's societies put their children first. I think society tells us we are supposed to do that.  We allow children to rule the home by trying to be friends with the kids instead of being their parents and disciplining and training them.  We allow them to act inappropriately and make decisions for the home.  Then, as the spouse is continually put second to the children, the marriage starts to be strained and marital problems begin, often ending in divorce. That is definitely NOT what is best for the kids, although parents often assume they are doing the right thing by putting their children before all else.


The Bible tells us that when we are married we become one with our spouse, and it is very clear that divorce is NOT acceptable.  Children are not to be the center of the home; the marriage is.  Children are a gift from God, on loan to parents, for parents to love, raise, train up, and teach to be God-fearing, responsible, productive, moral people.  When they leave the house eventually, what is left of marriages?  Unfortunately many couples have not invested into their marriages the same was they have the children, and once the kids are grown and gone, marriages fall apart. 

I know I don't have kids yet, so many may say I don't understand or won't be this way once I have kids. I am certain it will be a kind of love I have never experienced and I will love my children more than life itself.  However, I hope I always remember the Biblical design God has for our families.  I hope that Jonathan and I always keep one another first and the kids second, so they are able to grow up seeing what a wonderful, loving marriage looks like.  I know then and only then will I truly be doing what's best for them.

14 comments:

Kelly Ford said...

The article, and thus your post, is dead on. Jeff and I read the book "babywise" (highly debated, but i love it) and the very first chapter is on marriage/spouses coming FIRST and not having a child centered family. I 100% agree (as does Jeff). I think the fact that you and Jon realize that BEFORE you have children will help you to raise your children and protect your marriage! Realizing it years after you've let your world revolve around the kids is a bad time to try to make changes (worth the effort but more difficult, i'm sure). I think a lot of parents dont really consider their "parenting philosophies" before becoming a parent. Its interesting to me that the world will encourage people to study for and increase knowledge on pretty much any and all subjects but then when it comes to parenting, lots of people disregard the idea of attempting to be "ready" or "studying" books to see where your parenting philosophies may lie b/c they "never read a parenting book and (their) kids turned out just fine". Lucky them. And keep in mind, too, that the plethora of parenting books that we have available now was not available then. Anyhoo, I'm all for INTENTIONAL, not accidental parenting so kuddo's to you and Jon for even thinking in that direction :-)
Love it.

Meg {henninglove} said...

i completely completely agree with this post. in order of importance, God is always first then spouse then children. And I don't believe it is selfish at all to put your spouse before your children. Your children will benefit more than if they are put before your spouse. Your children need to see love between a husband and wife and if the husband is neglected ultimately the children will get neglected in a between way though. the neglect is from not observing a lovely, happy relationship between spouses. so glad you wrote this post because i agree too that society says children come first but remember you picked your husband first before your children (sometimes) and continue to pick him every day before your children, and don't feel guilty about it. but marriage is a partnership and if you are leaving your spouse out of the partnership of raising children, then no one will benefit from that set-up. ok and since this is the last blog comment i have ever written, i will end it here. thanks for letting me say my peace

SSS said...

Great post and I could not agree more. I don't know that God's plan includes children for us (for a variety of reasons), but this is something I always try to remember when I do think about the possibility.

Emily said...

I personally feel that a lot of the reason mothers love their children more than their husband is because so many husbands do not reach out in love to their wives. Women naturally love and need love in return and when men do not fulfill that need we search for it in our children as they give it readily. What is SO sad is when those children leave and those mothers are stuck in unhappy marriages. I see it with my MIL for SURE and although she and Rusty DO love each other, she was always putting the kids first (and still does) because he did not know how to give her the love/attention she needed. I think it's important for men to realize this! I'm thankful it's gotten better with the Parker men each generation :)

*Butler, Party of 2* said...

Ladies, I think you are all RIGHT on, and I'm glad other women know this truth and agree.

Emily- I do agree and think you are right. That is the issue a lot of times. But, the Bible doesn't give us conditions. It just tells us to DO. We are called to put our husband first regardless of whether he is fulfilling his responsibilities or not, as HARD as that is. We can love him and pray for him and have to trust the Lord to do a work in his heart. If we continue to put him first, I think that most men will see that and their love for their wives will grow. I think God will truly reward our obedience. It's tough for sure, but it the second we get out of God's design for our families we start having more issues.

Running for the Kitchen said...

amen. great post on such a biblical way to start a family. So many couples let their kids be the center and drive a wedge between parents.

Dr Goodwin :) said...

I couldn't agree more that it is a great idea to talk about these things BEFORE you have children. It is impossible to understand the love you have for your children until you have them, but it is possible to know the love you have for your husband and commit to keeping that special. Our kids know it was their dad and me first and eventually they'll leave our home and it will be us again. They are only here on loan and we treasure that experience, but God intended my husband and soul mate for me just as much as He did my children!

SBRC said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SBRC said...

A.M.E.N. I love that you wrote about this. It's all about the spouse! HELLO, without them you wouldn't have the baby (in most cases). I am amazed at how often this happens. I remember getting so upset at my dad while I was growing up. He would always tell us that he loved us, but he would always love Mom more. She was here before us. That will always stick with me. Beautiful post, girl!

Dana + Ryan said...

A.M.E.N. I love that you wrote about this. It's all about the spouse! HELLO, without them you wouldn't have the baby (in most cases). I am amazed at how often this happens. I remember getting so upset at my dad while I was growing up. He would always tell us that he loved us, but he would always love Mom more. She was here before us. That will always stick with me. Beautiful post, girl!

Sierra said...

I love that you are sharing this. We do not have children because we are 100% focused on building our relationship and creating a strong household that is healthy and nurturing. I think it's important to have time to know each other as husband and wife before having children. I also think that the husband is the head of the household...which also seems controversial. I married my husband because I love him and trust him and want to build a life with him. I support his decisions and let him lead us through life.

Blair Van Bussel said...

As a mom of a 1 1/2 year old old (whom I completely adore) , and a wife to an awesome hard working man. Its some times hard to prioritize, and sometimes baby
's needs do need to be addressed first. But I COMPLETELY agree. Your relationship with your husband needs to be made a top priority, its how your children will learn how to treat a marriage , and men/woman in general. I can tell you that my son just LOVES when his dad kisses me, he gets cuddly and tries to give us kisses right in the middle. :)
I HIGHLY suggest a couple fantastic books from my marriage bible study:
For Women Only , and Becoming the Woman of His Dreams . Seriously, hop on Amazon and grab them pronto, you wont regret it! And read them in the order listed ;)

Erin said...

Hi!
I'm way behind, but after I discovered your blog, I started at the beginning (it's great by the way!). My husband and I have been together 9 years and married for 2, and still don't have children. I completely agree with this. Kids need a stable foundation and that starts with mom and dad. I wish more people would have this attitude :)

Mother of 2 JB said...

just curious as to which scriptures you base your views on. I feel we live in a society where parents leave babies to cry so they can enjoy their lives and as a Christian wife and mother I feel we need to work on that. the past few generations sorted through people and family members as priorities and children never came first.......and look at what sort of society we have been left with!