Thursday, August 25, 2011

Rant

This has really been on my mind lately, so I'm going to vent about it once and be done with it.

I am going to be a stay at home mom when I have babies. No, I'm not pregnant, and no, I don't know when it will be God's timing for us to have kiddos, but I do know I will resign so I can be the one to raise my kids.  In no way am I criticizing moms who do work, but it is a personal choice Jonathan and I have made for me not to have a full-time job once we have children.

I have expressed this desire to a few people and have already began receiving criticism form it.  I just DON'T get it!  I know that's what the Lord desires for my life, and what I feel as if he has commanded of me as a woman and mother in His Word.  He tells us our job is to keep the home, be a supportive, submissive wife, and raise our children in a way that glorifies Him.  I know that I will not be able to do those things to the best of my ability if I am trying to manage all of that on top of a full-time career.  I know many women can, but I can't.  I just heard on the radio this morning that many working mothers are depressed because they can't do it all (although they are less likely to show symptoms of depression).  I know from experience that I am not able to give 100% in all areas of my life because I am already stretched so thin and pulled in so many directions.  It is not a good feeling, and I do not want to feel that way when I'm a mom. 

I cannot tell you the number of teachers I work with who have expressed a desire to stay at home with their children, but can't because of financial reasons.  I get that, but Jon & I would rather go without some things to be able to pull this off.  We have set ourselves up financially in a way that will allow us to do this in the future. The only debt we have is our house, and we are planning to start saving as MUCH as possible until this day comes. (And I do plan on doing something to supplement my income for those of you who are SO thinking we're not going to make it....RUDE! Maybe jealous??)  I heard an inspirational story on the Fish the other morning about a family living just fine off of  the husband's teacher salary (of less than $40,000 a year). He wrote a book about it...
It IS possible, and thanfully I have a really hard working husband who is also willing to do what it takes.

SO....Yes, I am going to stop teaching, even though I have spent a good amount of time and money in the past few years on degrees.  Yes, even though I love kids and can "change lives" while in education.  Yes, even though we just bought a house.  My FAMILY is my first ministry, and I know I will feel the most fulfilled keeping the house the way I like it, planning and cooking healthy meals for my family, being even more involved in youth ministry at church, encouraging others, having more time to spend with friends and family, and possibly homeschooling.  I will not be bored....or be sitting on the couch watching tv all day...or whatever it is people seem to think stay-at-home-moms do. (I'm sure there are some who do this- but for the most part this is a HUGE misconception!!!!)  I will be fully devoting myself to the great responsibility the Lord blessed me with as a wife and mother.  And that is a HUGE job!!!

This is something Jonathan and I have prayed about, so I feel like if anyone has an issue with what WE are doing with our life, they can take it up with God.  We already have.

Okay, I'm done.  :)

12 comments:

Lori Alexander said...

Amen! Whatever God commands, He provides and we must believe His promises enough to step out in faith. The one who gets neglected with moms working is the husband, the most important person to a wife. Do it God's way and you will reap His blessings and they are so good...

M. Graves said...

Hi Danielle. I love to read your blog and never say anything but today I felt like i should.. I also went to Central 04.... But anyways I heard this on the radio the other day too and I do agree 100% with what you just said. Before we had our baby I had the same mindset as you and thats exactly what we did and its working. We dont have any other bills besides the house, no cable, plain ol' cell phones.. we downgraded to make it possible for me to stay home and raise our daughter and Im fine with that. I just did not want other people to raise her.
I find there no time right now to even sit on the couch and watch 5 seconds of the news because the baby is into everything, stay at home moms are very busy!
Anyways I heard the same thing on the radio and had my own rant to and share your same beliefs so thought I should join in too lol.
And I should add I know its probably very difficult be at work all day then come home and "work" with cleanning and family.. thats why I did not think being a working mom was for me.

Emily said...

amen amen amen! you don't know HOW many times i've wanted to write my own blog entry similar to this but have felt like i don't know how to say what i feel without probably offending someone. I feel that it's our duty to our children to be the ones to raise them. not day care, not grandma, not anyone but US as the mother. I got SO MUCH crap for my desire to be at SAHM...I knew it was my goal from EARLY on and you wouldn't believe the things people will say to you about it. It all boils down to their own guilt over it if you ask me!!! I was so fed up with it that I actually did a RESEARCH paper on it in college and about how women cannot be HAPPY and both work and have children. In my personal life I have YET to find a SINGLE working mother who doesn't wish she could be home with her kids. It's not womens fault that they have to work...I think the men in our society need to step up more to provide so their wives CAN stay home. AND I agree with you that sacrifices can be made to make it work. Zach's dad worked 3 jobs and they lived in a single wide trailer on big daddy's property so charlotte could be home. Zach's strong desire to do the same thing for his own family is one of THE top reasons I chose him for a husband! And I know Jonathan is that same way!!!! We are blessed to have husbands who will do what it takes to make sure we can be home with our babies where God calls us to be ;) Good for you for following your heart on this - you are going to be an AMAZING mom!!!! and I'm glad to have another person on my team haha as I often feel like I fight this same battle!!!!

Nikki said...

GOD bless you! I wish I could be a stay at home mom! I totally support being the one who raises their children!

Tootie said...

do what you feel in your heart is best for you and jonathan and the future butler baby! those who love you will support any choice yall make! the other opinions dont count!

Anonymous said...

I dont know ... being a full time mom, full time student, and full time employee I dont think that post is fair to those of us who HAVE to work. I cannot blame my husband for "not stepping up and providing for his family" because he does the best he can in this economy, with construction going down the toilet. What mom wouldnt want to be a stay at home mom? I mean come on .. it would be my dream to stay at home with my child but it is just not practical. My son thrived after being in daycare .. walked faster, talked faster, learned things that I would not be able to teach him. I know some mothers who are stay at home moms and are depressed and would give anything to go back to work but financially it would not be practical because of daycare costs. You can still witness, work, and raise your kids .. mothers have been doing it forever. I would not quit my job for anything. I worked WAY to hard to be a nurse and my passion is to care for people and make a difference in their lives. My son will not look back on his childhood and think harshly of me for working, I am being an example that you can follow your dreams. I feel 100% that this post was a complete judgement on those of us who have to work and am honestly quite offended. I read your blog, have for a while now, and am shocked at the lack of compassion and judge that was placed. That is including the comments on the blog post..

Kae* said...

I think this is absolutely wonderful! I am hoping that someday I will be able to do the same when the time comes. My mom is a teacher and says she wishes she could have been a stay at home mom the whole time we were being raised!

Rachael said...

Ahhh. Such a controversial thing.... Just so you know.... Working moms get just as much judgement as stay at home moms. You will see when you become a mom you know what's best for you and your kids!! Only you and Jon will know that though. This is a huge struggle for me!

*Butler, Party of 2* said...

Anonymous- I am sorry if you're offended, but I think if you reread my post you'll see that I didn't pass ANY judgement whatsoever, nor do I have a lack of compassion for those who have to work. In fact, I said exactly the opposite of both of those statements in the post. I directed everything towards me and my family. I know other women can do it, and I acknowledged that. I just know that I can't, because I already struggle balancing all the things I do and am not even a mom yet. I know it's what's best for me and my family, and I simply wrote the post because I do not want others to judge me for doing what I feel is right for my family- the same as you. I also have a passion for teaching (as you do nursing) and still plan to do it in church- I am a SS teacher and help with youth, and there is no way I would quit that (even though it's not a paid position), so I do get it wanting to help people. I have also worked hard to earn degrees in those areas to equip me to help others. Once again, sorry if you were offended, but I honestly don't think there was anything in my post that is judgmental or lacks compassion....gotta disagree with you there.

Rach- I agree. I will say that teachers don't receive as much criticism bc everyone thinks teaching is the ideal career for working moms. But I want to be there with my BABIES! Who knows, I might go back to it once I feel like my kiddos are old enough. :) You're right, everyone knows what's best for their family, & I just don't want people to criticize me for doing that I feel is right.

Dana + Ryan said...

Glad you shared! I haven't even thought about this! You sure have baby fever, dear friend! :) As long as you are aware of what God says his plan his and follow it, you are GREAT in my book!

brandiern said...

I think your post was beautifully written and in no way sounded harsh or lacked compassion. I too am a nurse, (like anonymous) but want the same things you do when it comes to raising children ( which we don't have...yet) I don't know if I'll be able to stay at home, but I'm sure hoping to. We are doing the Dave Ramsey "thing," hoping to plan well for the future! I look at it like "different strokes for different folks." that's what makes us all unique and beautiful in our own way! So anyway, I thought your post was written in good taste. Looking forward to reading more about you! ;)

Elizabeth Ann @ Elizabeth Ann's Recipe Box said...

There is always criticism for those who work and for those who don't. I really can't figure out why. . . maybe it is an underlying jealousy or trying to make themselves feel better for the decision they have made to work or stay at home. Whatever it is, be strong and confident in the decision you have made! :-) God knows your heart and knows that you want to stay home and because of that you are choosing that sacrifice to put your family first. . . some mom's might sacrifice by working. Feel good about your decision! :-) PS yes I am spending my Sat morning going through your old posts because I am LOVING your blog! :-)